June 2026: Bringing all our selves to the table
On June 17th, Ottawa’s Italian Festival hosted the first ever event celebrating the LGBTQ+ community. I was honoured to moderate the event and host it at Bread by Us. When I was first approached with the idea of hosting this event, I couldn’t quite believe it.
It is important for me to archive this moment, both for myself but also for my communities. Being part of these kinds of “firsts” comes at a cost - we labour hard for visibility and representation. And even though we are tired, we are also proud.
Here are the words I shared to the sold-out crowd that night. What followed was a rich night of poetry and conversation with my dear friend and writing comrade Liana Cusmano.
In 2021, I was nudged by a beloved writing mentor to submit a piece of writing to an upcoming anthology of Queer Italian-Canadian writers. It was the first venture of its kind. I submitted, hesitantly, and was accepted. That anthology changed my life.
I was 35 at the time, and it was the first time I connected with other people like me - people who are Italian-Canadian, and also Queer. Participating in that project was the first of many important steps in finding my way as a queer person back to the Sunday table. And by that, I mean - back to my Italian-Canadian community.
Despite how significant it felt for me to participate in that anthology, I was painfully afraid to share it with anyone. In 2021 after it was published, the editor, a now dear friend of mine, Licia Canton, asked me if I would be willing to sell copies of the book at my bakery. At Bread by Us. At the time I was too afraid and so I declined. I told Licia that I didn’t want to bring something so personal into my workspace.
This bakery represents both my inheritance as well as my legacy. Or in other words, it is the culmination of my own story, the story of my family, and the story of the family I am making. And so, it’s impossible to disconnect the story of the bakery to my Italian heritage. I started baking bread to fill the void left behind when my own Nonna stopped being able to make bread. It is a tangible link to a type of inter-generational knowledge that tethers me to my culture. It is a way for me to carry on tradition, pass it on, and to resist the invisible forces of assimilation.
Like so many other Italian Canadian kids, my coming out story to my own Italian family and community was one of challenge. When I chose to come into myself as a queer person, I experienced an estrangement with my family, and therefore, with my Italianness. Much has changed since then, but it is a trauma I still carry with me. For a long time, bread and Bread by Us was the last place I could connect with my roots and my culture (through the practice of bread-making and service). So the idea of putting something so material (the book) out there about my own queerness in a space that was dedicated to my ancestors and culture felt too risky. In 2021, those two things simply couldn’t coexist side by side. I had Italian customers who saw what I was doing here - bringing familiar foods into or back into their lives. Through bread, I could interface with a community that I had quietly become estranged with, through the language of food. All while tucking away my queerness. All they knew of me was that I was a good baker. And that I care about them. I could still somehow belong here, in a tiny way, if I kept a low profile. Bread and this bakery have been my tethers. The through-line that has connected me to my culture through the difficult period of estrangement.
But today is different. I am different. And my relationship to my family and my Italianness is different. I no longer believe that narrative about us - Italian-Canadians, not being able to feast over a Sunday lunch (or in this case a Thursday aperitivo) with queers at the table, lovingly. Some of that is a testament to all the quiet and patient repair that I have done with my family of origin. Part of it is that my community of chosen family has expanded and fortified me. But most importantly, it is because I realised in these past 5 years since the original publishing of the anthology that we get to choose what kind of tables we set.
I am almost 40 now - this bakery is my table and everyone is invited. I set it for all the nonni, the paesani and parenti that walk through the doors. And I also set it for all the kids like me - looking for a place where all their identities can exist and belong in one place. For the precious kids in my life - I set this table openly and proudly now. I want them to come to Sunday lunch and hold hands with anyone they want while stuffing focaccia and prosciutto into their faces.
I welcome you into a space tonight that is part of a long history of labour, love, and service. I am the proud daughter of first and second generation immigrants who taught me about how to build bridges with food and how to serve your community with generosity and a faith that collective care will help us through the hardest times. These are the values of the Italian-Canadians that I was raised by, and that I now share with you all.
It is the highest honour I could imagine, to host the first ever event highlighting the queer community and queer arts as part of La Settimana Italiana. May this be the first of many.
Thanks for following along.
With love,
Jess Carpinone